Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Little Heartbeats

Just a side note: I've been worried. Really worried. I read too much. What if there was a missed miscarriage? Google tells you all kinds of things that can go wrong.

Last night, while we were putting Morgan to bed, I went to the washroom and (TMI incoming) noticed the toilet paper was ever so slightly pink: blood. I freaked out a tiny bit. Now? I thought. After all the worry and all this time, I get to 12 weeks on the nose and NOW I'm miscarrying? 

I laid down and closed my eyes in the dark in our room, trying to remember that sometimes, in pregnancy, you get a little blood. I never did with Morgan, but it happened to people I knew. And they had healthy babies.

Then I remembered my Doppler.

I had no success previously, hearing only my own heartbeat and never the baby's heartbeat, but I though, hey, I'm 12 weeks now. Maybe I'll hear it.

Maybe I won't.

Either way, I decided I wanted to know. So I turned it on and started searching through the blue goo on my belly, slowly  moving it around and listening as carefully as I could.

And then I heard it. Bump-bump-bump-bump-bump! So quick and strong and vivid! What a relief.

The Doppler stopped working, of all times, just a minute or two after I found the heartbeat and I couldn't get the volume up loud enough to hear it, so that is a major bummer. I could have listened to that all night.

Tomorrow I have another appointment, and I hope to hear what I've been hoping to hear for months - that baby is okay, that there are no red flags, that I'm going to be a momma again in March and everything is wonderful.

I hope I hope I hope!!!

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