First, the doctor's continuous warnings about the potential for something going wrong with the baby, despite my only being 36 years old and in stellar health, are of absolutely no comfort. Asking me before it's even certain, before it's even a possibility, what my plans are for additional - not to mention, dangerous - fetal testing only makes me concerned that something will go wrong. It also gets me defensive. It brings my hackles up.
With all that worrying, I hadn't even considered the chances of miscarriage. Now, though, I think twice about every pang. I think twice about the fact that I can't find the heartbeat with my little handheld doppler. I think, at times, that it's possible I've had a missed miscarriage, and I sit here waiting for symptoms that may or may not appear.
I hate that, due to Jared's schedule, I'll be alone at the appointment (my 12 week scan) that will tell me, finally, if the baby is alive. If the baby is okay. If the baby will be what I've hoped for.
After all this worry, I give my pregnant head a shake and remind myself that while the odds are less in my favour than they were a couple of years ago, the odds are still just that: odds. It's rare to have anything but a typical, healthy, beautiful baby. It's rare to miscarry, and even rarer to miss a miscarriage. All signs point to me having a healthy baby.
I just have to be positive, and accept the possibilities of what could go wrong, but mostly to expect nothing but another beautiful bundle of joy.
How far along?: 10 weeks
Due Date: March 24, 2020
Baby is the size of a(n): Prune
Total weight gain/loss: Down another couple of pounds!
The Bump: A bit. Hasn't grown too much...another worry.
Symptoms/How I'm feeling: I've had a cold, so it's been hard to notice. I have a bit more of an appetite though.
Food Cravings/Aversions: Just more food in general. I haven't been craving the healthy stuff anymore though. That is something I have to continue with on purpose!
Sleep: I have had trouble sleeping but it's almost all related to the cold.
Weddings Rings On or Off: On.
Exercise: None, I'm so beat.
Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes. Not telling.
Gender: Unknown. It's not real until I know.
Movement: None.
Maternity Clothes: Not yet.
Labor Signs: None. Some cramping but nothing out of the ordinary.
What I miss: Not worrying. Being able to take cold medicine!
Best Moment of the Week: I honestly don't really know. I guess getting a bunch of my free stuff in the mail!
What I’m excited about/looking forward to: my prenatal testing appointment. I also have another doctor's appointment that I am hoping will give me some answers. So. Nervous.
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