9 weeks!

I just posted yesterday but now that my due date has shifted and they've determined that I was ever so slightly farther along than they thought, here's another post!

After my post yesterday and seeing the little bean "in person" for the first time, it all started to seem really real. This baby is coming! We still have the testing and such to complete, and then of course there's the whole waiting another six months or so thing, but this baby is growing and healthy.

I sincerely hope, so so much, that this baby is okay. Healthy, normal, happy. I will walk through fire for this little one if I need to, I just hope and pray that he or she is okay. I can't remember exactly how the last round of testing was... perhaps I should go over my last blog but it's possible that it happened before 16 weeks, which is when I started blogging for little Morgan.

What I do remember is sitting in a little room and waiting for the doctor to come back and tell me that all was well. It was kind of torturous. But then they handed me a piece of paper that showed how very unlikely it was for my baby to have any abnormalities, and it was ridiculously low.

In any case...would having a baby with ultrasound change our lives in a significant way? Yes, in the long run. But I would never consider giving up this baby, no matter what the outcome. So it's basically moot at this point. We will have to handle whatever happens and nothing I worry about can change that.

With all the hard stuff out of the way, all that's left is to enjoy filling my Amazon baby registry with awesome things for this little one. Yes, we have hand-me-downs, but doesn't every younger sibling deserve some new things? I think so.


How far along?: 9 weeks

Due Date: March 24, 2020

Baby is the size of a(n): Green olive

Total weight gain/loss:  Around the same now, no gaining. I'm okay with this :)

The Bump: A bit. Still easily hidden with a loose shirt.

Symptoms/How I'm feeling: Nausea still, but it's getting better. I have to eat small meals more frequently due to the pressure on my pelvic floor, so that is proving to be a struggle. I'm pretty sure I'm not eating enough. I should maybe get back to tracking my food.

Food Cravings/Aversions: Nothing really stands out to be honest. I'm very aware that I need to eat the right foods! And I feel ravenously hungry a lot but can only eat small amounts so that's frustrating.

Sleep: I just love sleep. I really do.

Weddings Rings On or Off: On.

Exercise: Walking, going to attempt yoga. I found an app!

Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes. Not telling.

Gender: Unknown! I think it's a girl.

Movement: None.

Maternity Clothes: Not yet.

Labor Signs: None.

What I miss: Not worrying.

Best Moment of the Week: The ultrasound! Seeing that little heartbeat.

What I’m excited about/looking forward to: my prenatal testing appointment. And telling people!

8 Weeks - First Look at Baby!

FINALLY!

Honestly there's nothing quite like waiting for those first few ultrasounds and tests. It's torture. Today I finally got to see that beautiful little beating heart, and I was happy. I still won't totally relax until all the prenatal testing has happened (Friday!) but at least I know the little bean is doing well in there.

I honestly don't know why I live my life always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's not healthy! Also not likely. The possibility of an issue with baby is pretty rare, even at my advanced maternal age. But still, there's this worry. This dread. I think it might be my way of preparing for the worst, even though I can't possibly imagine a situation in which my life is forever changed being improved on by my mental preparation weeks in advance.

...anyway!

Here's a little pic of the wee one. It looks like a bean and is about that size. I promise it's a real baby.

How far along?: 8 weeks, 6 days (my due date has changed again!)

Due Date: March 24, 2020

Baby is the size of a(n): Gummy Bear

Total weight gain/loss:  Around the same now, no gaining. I'm okay with this :)

The Bump: A bit, it's definitely popping out now.

Symptoms/How I'm feeling: Nausea still. Cold all the time!! Something to note that I would like to address more later as it will become an issue: prolapse, from my first pregnancy. It's hard. It's getting worse. I now have to eat smaller meals to be comfortable, which is hard because I'm prangry.

Food Cravings/Aversions: Bagels with margarine for some odd reason.

Sleep: It's been all right. Constant need to pee.

Weddings Rings On or Off: On.

Exercise: Walking, but not so much. I really need to look into prenatal yoga to strengthen my core.

Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes. Not telling.

Gender: Unknown!

Movement: None, but things are moving in there, muscles shifting, etc.

Maternity Clothes: None yet.

Labor Signs: None.

What I miss: Brie cheese. Other things I cannot eat!

Best Moment of the Week: The ultrasound! Seeing that little heartbeat.

What I’m excited about/looking forward to: my prenatal testing appointment. And telling people!

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

Ugh. I feel gross and I want to throw up and sleep at the same time.

This is not like my last pregnancy, during which I really didn't have nausea or any symptoms at all. I knew I was pregnant but there was none of the crappy stuff that I'm feeling now!

For instance, right now, my belt is hurting me. I've undone it, but any pressure on my tummy is just horrid. I guess it's growing a little faster than last time? I have no idea. I would really prefer to keep this all hidden until it's announced though, criminy!

The worst part right now is the waiting. I have to wait a week and a half before I have my scan to see (hopefully) a beating heart, and a normal little baby in there. The waiting is agony!

I spoke to Morgan about her room, since they'll share. We talked about where the bunk beds will go (obviously for when baby is not a baby anymore) and where the dresser will move, the chair, the crib, etc. She's very excited, although less thrilled about losing her Princess tent. But we all make sacrifices!

Honestly this worrying is taking it's toll. I really don't think I was so worried last time. Why am I so worried?? Hopefully I will have positive results really soon.

How far along?: 7 weeks

Baby is the size of a(n): Blueberry

Total weight gain/loss:  Down another 3lbs! Go nausea.

The Bump: A bit yes, more noticeable now because I'm not eating a lot so there's less bloating. It's weird, my upper abdomen is being shoved outward just a bit, so I look really...weird. Like I had way too many nachos at lunch.

Symptoms/How I'm feeling: Nausea, tiredness. I feel not super.

Food Cravings/Aversions: Nothing, food is gross.

Sleep: Still pretty bad, honestly. I'm so tired.

Weddings Rings On or Off: On.

Exercise: Walking. Sleeping?

Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes. Not telling.

Gender: Unknown!

Movement: None.

Maternity Clothes: None yet.

Labor Signs: None.

What I miss: Sleeping.

Best Moment of the Week: Nothing comes to mind!

What I’m excited about/looking forward to: my appointments.

Please Somebody Tell Me Something!

It's all starting to seem real!

I'm only 6 weeks and 1 day, but that feels like a milestone in itself. There's a little baby in there, hopefully growing big and strong and smart! I also have a new ultrasound scheduled and it is much sooner than the 12 week one, which I recall thinking was a bit late. As it happens, that's true! The doctor I saw to confirm my pregnancy wasn't my family doctor - I went in for a brief walk in to get this sorted - and she neglected to give me the requisition for that scan.

Actually, she missed out on a lot of information, which made me extremely grateful for my family doctor and her beautiful brain.

I will have an ultrasound in a little over two weeks, and that is my dating scan. This scan is important! It will tell me how the baby is and when we're due, but will also be an insight into the baby's overall health. I have my bloodwork and prenatal testing that same week, so this will be the week in which I can hopefully breathe a big sigh of relief.

This scan is where, God willing, I see that little beating heart. Where I see if that little bean is doing okay.

Full disclosure here: the anxiety right now is REAL. I don't remember if I was this anxious in my last pregnancy, but I'm guessing I wasn't. And I'm guessing all this anxiety is thanks to being a "mature" mother, because wow, do they ever shove it down your throat that your baby could have all kinds of problems: down syndrome. Abnormalities. Miscarriage. Still birth. The horror!

I'm trying to keep my stress levels down, trying not to think of all the what-ifs, but OH. MYLANTA. The anxiety is real. It really is.

I really just need a doctor to walk in right now with a nice thin file and say, your baby is looking great, we aren't worried about a thing! Could a doctor just please go ahead and do that?

I wonder if I had been upfront about just how anxious I am, my doctor would have suggested a placating ultrasound to pre-date my dating ultrasound? Is there such a thing as a scan to placate an excessively nervous mom-to-be??

Breathe, Lauren. Breathe. In a few weeks, you'll have all the information and you will be able to see a less fuzzy future. I'm hopeful, I really am, because my first pregnancy was so perfect, and my daughter is so perfect, so hopefully I'll be as lucky. Never would there ever be a more grateful Mommy.

How far along?: 6 weeks

Baby is the size of a(n): Jelly Belly

Total weight gain/loss:  Still sitting at the same weight. It fluctuates up and down by about 3 lbs.

The Bump: None yet, a lot more bloating. I'm ready for my real bump, especially since this one has been broken in already. Bring it baby!

Symptoms/How I'm feeling: Still no morning sickness, so yay! Boobs are still sore, but not as bad. Or maybe I'm just getting used to them. Other than that I am TIIIIRRRREEEED.

Food Cravings/Aversions: Fruit. Nothing unhealthy or excessive. Had a sudden and alarming craving for wine (which I gave up for life about 4 months ago. So that was interesting.)

Sleep: Ah-bys-mal. Like really, really bad.

Weddings Rings On or Off: On. I hope to keep them on this time around but we'll see.

Exercise: Walking. Walking all the time - I have a newfound appreciation for enjoyable exercise that doesn't make me want to throat punch people, and that's basically walking and yoga. Next week our lives return to normal, so I may start doing little 20 minute yoga sessions with Morgan in the mornings.

Any Names Picked Out Yet: Yes. Not telling.

Gender: I kinda really hope it's a girl, for mostly practical reasons. But either way, I'm happy with a healthy, happy baby!

Movement: None, but that would be weird. I'm feeling the odd twinge but it's normal.

Maternity Clothes: None yet.

Labor Signs: None.

What I miss: I miss not being worried all the damn time!

Best Moment of the Week: Uhhhhh I dunno. It's been a busy week and I haven't had much down time...

What I’m excited about/looking forward to: my appointments... getting to see baby and mostly to see that everything is A-Okay. I won't be able to sleep until then. < still this. So much this. Just a couple more weeks! Eeek!