No Baby Yet

My last baby blog started with me swimming in a sea of positivity and insane fertility and hope and bright futures. I was pregnant and healthy and everything was yayyyy!

Today, though. Today I'm feeling pretty darned low.

Instead of hope and all that good stuff, I got Aunt Flo. So that's a sure sign that there's no baby in there, if the test I took a few days ago wasn't already a bright red stop sign in itself.

It's early days, and even though the first time took literally one time for us to get pregnant, it may take a lot longer this time around, partly due to my age and partly due to other factors that may be at this point unknown. I'm reminded of some dear friends of mine who spent years and thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant and that helps me to slow my roll a bit. I mean jeez, what is my problem? It didn't happen on time #1 and that's some kind of big fertility issue? The kicker is though, when you're 36 years old and trying for that one last little bundle of joy, the clock is really ticking.

I don't want to focus on what's wrong. So I'll focus on the positives. I'll focus on what's right.

What's right? My relationship is stronger than it's ever been. We are so close, so connected, and so comfortable. My daughter is growing up into a beautifully kind, bright young girl. She will be a remarkable older sister.

We are stable. I am healthier than I've been in years, since I quit drinking and have been particularly careful about food. In my last pregnancy, I recall having really way, way too much food. I gained, if I'm not mistaken, about 35 lbs by the end which is probably a good 10 or 15 lbs too many for my BMI. This time around, I will be exercising, making informed decisions about my diet, and doing the damn YOGA! Yoga would have helped my delivery tenfold, had I not been too busy stuffing my face with chocolate and growing a monster sized baby whose head was too big for my liking.

No, this time around, I will have a firmer hand with myself. I can eat healthy, eat enough, and even lose a little weight at first, to keep me under the 200 lbs mark. So this blog will be a new start for me: new baby, new body, healthier and faster recovery post baby.

Now, to get the baby in there. No easy feat!